Yesterday was the longest day in the whole wide world. I got brutally woken up very early in the morning for the funeral and was told that I was already running late. I had not had a cigarette and was already miserable. I ran around trying to get everything packed up and get myself looking presentable.

The funeral was around two hours long. Can you believe that? They had a slideshow. They read the program/biography. They played several songs. They read notes from the family. It was borderline ridiculous. I was supposed to leave town at noon to be able to get back for photos. We were not even to my part of the funeral by noon. I was a pallbearer and I had no idea how heavy a casket could be. My grandmother's casket wasn't that heavy or maybe I was not in the right spot.

My father was in the military salute. I had never even seen him hold a gun. If you have not experienced a military service, I don't recommend it. It is super duper loud and scary. They were standing about ten feet from the crowd. I think they should be farther away.

Iowa is a terrible state to travel across. No one knows how to drive and you will pop over a hill to meet the ass end of a tractor. Scary. I did not run into a tractor but I did get a speeding ticket. A very hefty speeding ticket in my opinion. He was not even sympathetic. Did not care about the funeral and the fact that I had no idea what the speed limit was.

I got to hang out with the Jenorama. And I made it back to St. Louis in seven hours. That is not record time.

And then to make things worse, the Stock Boy did not return my phone calls last night so I slept alone. Yes this is where you feel very sorry for me. Time to go back to work.