No not the one who just broke up with me. I'm talking about myself here. I kinda want to be the crazy ex-boyfriend. The one that you have to avoid at the bars. The one who sends you crazy text messages. The one who you won't ever be friends with again.
So here are my ideas.
Text: "So does the boy that you went home with last night after we broke up make your life less crazy...cause that was why you said we couldn't date."
Text: "So when you wouldn't go down on me, was that because you wanted more sex and decided to take someone else home?"
Phone call: "I want my cell phone charger, my fucking ashtray, and my dignity back from when you made me cry outside the club. Oh yeah and do you want to go dutch on a couple of our dates that I paid for because I make more money than you do because all my money doesn't go toward mistakes I made in my past?"
Phone call: "So when your friends told me never to break up with you, I thought that maybe you really were a great guy and deserved my time and attention. Now that you broke up with me, my friends will probably hate you and will never want to see you. Oh yeah and you might want to stay away from the coffee shop for awhile unless you like the taste of evil in your vanilla latte. I'm not gonna say what evil is. We'll just leave that a surprise."
Text: "So can you record Weeds and Project Runway for me? I was kinda using you for your cable."
Encounter: A giant punch to the face and a kick to the crotch. Not even a punch to the box. Doesn't deserve such a cool action.
So do you get the idea that I'm not very happy right now?