This is in preparation for my adventure tonight and tomorrow.
1. Choose a seedless watermelon from your local vendor. Seedless is best because you have less mess when getting drunk.
2. Go to the liquor store and choose your favorite vodka. For this recipe I prefer a raspberry vodka or just your regular straight up good shit. Do not choose watermelon vodka. It is redundant and not so good. I know. Trust me.
3. Cut a big hole in the top of the watermelon. Start slowly pouring in the vodka. Let it soak and repeat. It will slowly seep into the juicy fruit.
4. Get bored with the wait. Cut the watermelon up and throw it into a bowl. Dump in all the vodka that you think you can handle. Not a whole handle though. That is too much. Just enough to say soak into the fruit and also to make a nice watermelon juice drink.
5. Start offering to people after you have had a few pieces for yourself. Make sure that no one takes more than a few pieces. This is your hard work dammit. Get appreciation but don't get people drunk. That is your job.
6. Eat the entire watermelon minus a few pieces by yourself in the matter of the afternoon or just a few hours. Pace yourself. It can be deceiving how much vodka is actually in the watermelon.
7. Drink all the juice while you go. It is best not to save this all for last. Then you will not get the job done because it will be so sweet and so strong. Drink it all.
8. Forget everything that happens except for the fact that someone got hit with a bottle rocket. Everyone will tell you that you ate the entire melon by yourself even though you think that someone stole most of the melon. Oh yeah eat it from a cup. That is good advice. Swear that you didn't eat it all. Then scream that you didn't eat it all and throw the empty bowl on the ground.
9. Get carried to wherever you need to go next.
Other advice. Don't share. Give it at least an hour to soak. Maybe more if you can wait that long. I can't. Try not to do this around people that you might want to impress. It does not work. Only the drunk people will actually be impressed. For some reason, people are scared of watermelons soaked in vodka. I can't explain it. Fear no watermelons.
10. Have fun.