I'm not really a fan of secrets in general. I'm really not a fan of secrets when I can't even tell my blog. You can keep reading from here if I've sparked your curiosity but you will not find out what secret I've been keeping from you. I have a very good reason to keep this secret and therefore will do so.
Anyway, keeping secrets. I've kept many a secret from my blog for the sake of those who read it (I think I mostly know who that is in terms of people who might be mentioned on here). I can tell secrets pertaining to people who don't and I have no fear of them finding my blog (for instance Bubble Boy) because they won't read it. I can tell you that I might have fucked things up with Bubble Boy because I got drunk and kinda professed how much I like him to his friends. This may have freaked him out a little, but we will see. I haven't actually talked to him since that night, nor has he called me. I might just be worrying because that is all I did yesterday. I was in one of my moods where I ddin't leave my house and I just worried nonstop about many many things. I didn't answer or return any phone calls either because I needed a personal day.
Back to secrets. I'm sure that most people will figure it out soon enough and some will worry about it and will ask me. I will not tell them because it is nothing to worry about. I'm not having any affairs or leaving St. Louis or moving or doing anything crazy or going straight or anything that someone might not want me to do. I just kinda want to have a secret so that I can be mysterious and because I'm slightly embarrassed.
I massively plucked my eyebrows this morning. I don't know how they got so out of hand. I really need a makeover. My hair is too long and my eyebrows needed massive waxing. I started thinking about all this after taking Rosie to get her first haircut ever (which I apologize for because I should not have let that hairstylist get away with what she did). Rosie and I went to the mall to get her first haircut ever. I should have stopped even this from happening but when she said Super Clips or Great Clips or whatever mass-produced hairclip machine she wanted to go to was permanently vetoed from my head, this was the next best choice. Rosie was shaking like a little lamb going in for a sheering when we made the appointment and then the lady just made it worse. We should have gone to an actual salon where the lady would not have done the whole snipping in the air to make it seem like I'm cutting hair when I'm really not. Since I was raised in a hair salon, I should have known better. The lady took it easy. She barely cut hair and it cost $40. Now, it did look good, this I'm not lying about, but it just wasn't really anything special, which is what it needed to be. I will do better next time Rosie, this I swear to you.
I keep nicknames for people on here just in case they actually find the site. I was always worried that The Bitch would find the site or Shane2 and then go into a gay fight with me. I didn't want this to happen and I don't really know why. I should keep a glossary of nicknames for people or one of those cast of characters pages. I think I don't because who really needs a cast of characters when these people are in my life. (Tell me if you think that I need one of these). But other people don't really get nicknames. I've noticed a huge influx of people looking for Paul Kastner and Joe Pini coming from google. I must be a high hit for these searches.
Joe Pini, I'm sorry if you don't want the world to know that you punched me in the balls and I returned the favor.
Back to the secret. It is really driving me crazy. So crazy that I told my mother. She was one of the ones that I didn't want to know. I accidentally let it slip and now she is driving me crazy with it. Have I told you yet about my mother's obsession with Goofy? My mother has turned two good luck charms into an entire collection that she has created a display for in my room back home. We are not talking small by any means. We are talking an entire china hutch filled with every sort of Goofy item they make. Some of my favorites are the bike flag, the spoon, Goofy as Uncle Sam, the paddleboard. And the ones that I thought were cool before it got all out of hand: the ridiculously expensive Christmas present of a 4 foot tall talking Goofy, the really old board game, and some of the things that didn't cost less than $5. She has gone overboard and everytime I go home, she has added something else to the collection. She called yesterday to tell me about the stuff that she had added and then the secret magically changed the subject. I thought it would be better when I told her but it was only worse. I did not come out to my mother.
My sister and my brother have not called me since I came out to them. I'm a little worried about what that means. Now that it is out there, I just want to tell them everything. I want to tell them about all the boys that I've been dating, all the lies that I've told them, all the awkward conversations that this has caused with them. I want it all out in the open. I mostly want to know what they think of me now that they know. What do they think having a gay brother means? What is it going to be like the next time I see them? I am not going to go home until everything is resolved. I'm already scared of what my extended family is going to do without having to worry about the safety of retreating to my brother or sister.
Well...I think that I have actually said nothing but managed to type a lot. Hope you weren't bored and I'm sorry if you read all of this just to figure out the secret but still have no idea what the secret could be. No I did not lose another virginity card (I don't have any left to give). No I am not becoming close personal buddies with Lindsay Lohen and keeping it a secret because she made me. I did not get arrested. I did not find a magical sum of money that will make all of you friends with a millionaire. I'm not getting published (like my friend Rachel--Happy Birthday tomorrow). I didn't buy anything nor did I sell anything (my semen therefore creating offspring--but I did think about it after watching ER a couple of weeks ago. What if I had children running around?) I'm not on drugs nor did I give up smoking. I am thinking about stopping drinking for awhile. But then again, what would my blog be about. I thought maybe I would quit drinking in the state of Missouri, but I'm too close to Illinois and would hate to have to have a drink and go back to Face on Fourth Street (remember what happened there Jenni and Rachel?). I'm officially on a dont' ask don't tell policy with this secret.
Any bets on how long I will manage to actually keep this secret. I have three days.