The official fourth of July event. TIPSY MELON.
The Postman came over to help me kick off this year's Tipsy Melon event.
Tipsy Melon. Go to Schnuck's. Buy a seedless watermelon of your desired size. Find vodka of any variety (preferably cheap). Collect ingredients in your kitchen or any place with a knife and a bowl. Cut a hole in the watermelon. Insert vodka. Insert more vodka as this amount wears down. Keep doing this until you get too bored or impatient. Cut watermelon into several bite sized pieces. Dump more vodka over the top (the rind probably absorbed a lot of the vodka so you must add more). All in all, you should add at least a fifth of vodka for a small sized melon or two fifths for a larger sized melon. As much vodka as you can possibly handle. Eat by yourself or invite friends to come along for the fun. Be sure to drink the juice. This is the absolute secret of tipsy melon. The juice holds all of the power.
This year, I did not get nearly as intoxicated as I have in years past. I ate several glasses full of tipsy melon and did not feel drunk hardly at all. I think that I did not add enough vodka. I just finished off the handle of vodka without actually thinking about how much was in there. I don't think there was an entire fifth left. Maybe also, I'm an alcoholic that needs more than a fifth of vodka to get me trashed. Who is to tell?