This one is for my girls who go by variations of Jennifer. (Two links in one!!!) So basically, since I saw neither of my special girls on their birthday, I decided to celebrate in their honor. Wednesday night, not unlike last night or Tuesday night, I went to the Dukum for some drinking debautchery. I decided around 11 to take a shot for my Jenni.



I bought the cheapest shot that I could from the new bartender. He makes everything strong. I didn't really think that was all that possible for something like a lemon drop (straight shot of Absolute Citron with a sugar-coated lemon). He has no idea about proportions. Anyway, around 11.30, we decided to take the shot of boysenberry komakaze.

Funny story about boysenberries. We were playing a game that involves each person having a fruit. This was the beginning of the year meeting the freshmen. I was kumquat and all you have to do is yell your fruit and then pass it on by saying "(your fruit) loves (someone else's fruit)". Very simple. So I get it passed to me and then yell out "Kumquat loves boys..." and then got smacked with the rolled paper. That is all that comes out of my mouth. I was just a little embarrassed. But loved it nonetheless.

Anyway on with the shot. This one is for Jen (yes its the same shot but two different pics).



Talk about worst picture ever. Note to self 1. Never get a picture of yourself taking a much too large shot. 2. Try not to dribble on yourself. 3. Always remember your good side.

Happy Shane taking cheap shots on your birthday and saying that its in your honor. Love ya girls.

Yep today is Jenorama's Birthday. And that is one day after Danger Jenni's. Happy Birthday to my girls. I promise photos soon. Damn this relying upon others to send them to me.

Yep exciting, isn't it. Three of the individuals that I made out with surprised me that I had never made out with them before. One was a goal of mine before graduation. Check and check off the list. One I wished but never thought I would. Woohoo. Did I mention that I was drunk and this was spread out over the weekend. This morning, after admiring my new haircut, my co-worker Alec embarrassed me. One of the owners of a popular restaurant in town also a friend of mine were chatting about how much of a lip whore I was. It was overly loud with a professor of mine sitting not too far away. It was just embarrassing how much they went on and the questions they asked.

So now I will answer the questions.
Q: How many people have you made out with?
A: I don't know but its over one hundred.

Q: Don't you consider that to be a lot?
A: Should I. I don't think that I should. I mean you do the math. One hundred divided by basically four years of college starting late my freshman year. No repeats counted. I mean thats like someone new at least once a month. Ok yikes that does seem like a lot.

Q: Do you have any records?
A: Ten in one night. It started off as 8 on my half-birthday and then the PRISM dance rolled around and I upped it to 10. Not all new but mostly. It makes it a lot easier to make out with more than one person at the same time. Conservation of energy and time. Simple physics there. That multiplies the numbers quicker.

Q: Are you proud of this number?
A: No not really. I've been in a room at the same time as at least 8 people who I had made out with before. I've gotten a lot of photo documentation of my making out. It doesn't always mean a lot to me and often isn't even entirely under my control.

Q: Now isn't that just bragging a little bit?
A: I guess it is. Yep. I guess it is.

The conversation didn't really involve all those questions, but these questions have all been posed on me at one point or another. Guess I would just get it out there. I am a makeout slut. (Damn you blogger for eating the rest of my post. I'll try to make better.) I also got a great haircut.

I pay $20 to drive to Columbia and have my ego stroked for half an hour. I love Bethany at the Clip Joint. She is so fantastic. I got done and walked out like a rockstar to my cast taking pictures of me and my new hair. We had gone down for sushi and the day just ended up being about me. Hopefully Megan will send me pictures and I can post all the fun stuff we did. She hated sushi by the way. We got lost getting out of Columbia. I guess that is what happens when I just assume that I know the way. But we did get to see some really beautiful countryside northwest of Columbia for a twenty minute scenic route. I love my new haircut by the way and don't understand why more people are not stopping me on the streets to compliment my hair. I've gotten the "you look like you've lost a lot of weight" though. Which I don't know whether or not I can attribute that to not eating or looking slimmer with my awesome new haircut. I feel like I weigh the same. But seriously I want a fantastic reaction from someone who really notices my hair and just absolutely loves the new me. Anyway thats just a pipe dream. No one cares about my hair as much as I do.

So Mike's Hard Lemonade has these words written on the underside of the cap.

I need a camera to be able to show you. But I'll just tell you.

It sent chills down my back to look down and see As You Are. In that order. Not all in the right direction. It really sent me a message. My god is the god of alcohol and he/she is telling me something.

Things are crazy crazy. I was really late to rehearsal tonight because it just blew my mind. I think that the bird may still be out to get me. I think it has affected my life. I think my directing professor is trying to kill me or make my brain explode. I also thought to myself tonight, "I am not out to please anyone else, I'm out to please myself."
A. That sounds a lot like masturbation.
B. That makes me really vain and I don't know if that is bad or not.
C. Who cares?
I also am very excited for my One Act play that I'm directing. I'm also very excited for my possible future career. I am on the list for a touring children's show. I'm so in though. I know the director. Rache and I would be going out on tour for three months. Yikes thats a lot of time together. But there will be a gay boy on the tour. Rache and I love gay barring. I more than her but whatev. I gots my reasons. Wink. Wink.
Maybe the world is not out to get me. Maybe I'm just going a little crazy trying to get all the shit that Truman wants me to do done before I graduate. Yet again I reiterate that they are trying very hard to keep me here for the rest of my life with all the shit they want me to do. It sucks. But I'll be out of here very soon. And then the rest of my life awaits me. Life. So much better than life.

Also known as...A night at the bar with an overly drunk Shane. AKA...every night at the bar with Shane.

So this night was much the same as every night. I go to the bar, I get drunk...I play shuffleboard and pose ridiculously for photos.

This makes me feel hot even when I lose. But losing is only for losers. So I take advantage of the situation by getting into a drinking/smoking contest. What I should have realized is that there is no way to smoke faster. It just goes. You can always drink faster.

I lost.

So I should angrily smoke. And I shall.
But not for long. I have to redefine my relationship with my fake open girlfriend Becky.

So then she switches shirts and continue on through the bar. It is time to conquer flesh.

I think I caught Becky a little off guard with this. She soon learns to love it.

Becky then gets it into her head that it is perfectly fine to touch my body in the middle of a bar with lots of people staring at us. I also seem to think that this is fine.

We head back to someone's apartment. By this time, I am too drunk to remember where I am.

But sure enough...I am able to find a makeout closet anywhere I go. I was just a little surprised when the door opened and my pants fell around my ankles at the same exact moment. What a bummer it is to forget your belt when pictures are being taken.

And then my back broke. But check out my legs.

But still completely satisfied,

I smoke angrily some more.

A typical night at the bar with Shane.

I've been meaning to post about my dance class. Since I can barely sit in my chair because I pulled a muscle in my back...now is the time. First off, I love this class so much that I want to skip it at least one out of the two days a week that it is taught. I love having the feeling that I am uncoordinated and incapable of moving my own body. The only time I ever felt like I had it was when we were doing the limp wrist trick with the turning thing. I have never felt gayer in my life. Which is hard to imagine looking at my test scores for the personality thing.

Lately we have been doing these kicks which I have just now mastered. I really had trouble moving my arms and kicking at the same time. I think that now I can do these simultaneously. My kicks still look like my leg is trying to escape from my body but thats ok. I keep trying. I think that I should never become a professional dancer unless it is a "professional dancer" and then I just have to do some more crunches and look good with my clothes off. But it is all future training for a future career. I think this will definitely help me out in the long run.

I am not stupid. I know this. But it will take a few drinks to make myself feel better after taking the GRE. Just to remind myself where my life is going. To give you an idea. I probably wouldn't get back into Truman with this kind of score. Yikes. Anyway. See you when I'm drunk/hungover (which ever allows me to sit in my chair first). Have a great Thursday.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 80% Stability 40% Orderliness 40% Empathy 63% Interdependence 76% Intellectual 56% Mystical 70% Artistic 83% Religious 10% Hedonism 76% Materialism 50% Narcissism 56% Adventurousness 70% Work ethic 50% Self absorbed 70% Conflict seeking 43% Need to dominate 70% Romantic 36% Avoidant 36% Anti-authority 43% Wealth 50% Dependency 56% Change averse 30% Cautiousness 50% Individuality 70% Sexuality 76% Peter pan complex 70% Physical security 70% Food indulgent 63% Histrionic 70% Paranoia 56% Vanity 70% Hypersensitivity 70% Female cliche 76%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Trait snapshot:
expressive, open, self revealing, loves large parties, loud, social, outgoing, does not like social isolation, assertive, social chameleon, positive, always busy, likes to fit in, likes to stand out, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, trusting, optimistic, desires attention, dominant, aggressive, attachment prone, wants to be understood, realistic.

And that of which I don't agree:

Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

And I'm gonna hug it and squeeze it and call it my own. What happened to da bunny? I won it at Pancake City. I've always been so fucking good at these things and it is sooo damn cute. Its blue with a little flower on it. I put in 50 cents and tried my luck after watching my friends fail. I confidently said that I would win it and damn if I didn't. Soon I will find someone with a camera to take a picture of it. It is soooo cute.

Yes! I was actually almost killed by alcohol today. Walking to school, the Budweiser truck had its blinker on, but was turning the other way. I almost got ran over by the big delivery truck. Yikes. If I believed in God, I would take this as a sign.

So I have this story to tell you. I'm sitting in my Creative Writing class. The prompt has been delivered and everyone is writing. Normally, my phone rings right about this time...usually my mother. This time, however, I see a scurrying by my bag. I glance down and see a big and scary cockroach. I jump up from my chair without hesitation and run flailing and screaming across the room. This is slightly embarrassing considering how quiet the room was. I ran to the corner of the room nearest the door for my own safety and survival. I could not describe in a normal octave what had happened as everyone tried to calm the situation. The two girls beside me did not move. Jen (not Jenorama or Danger Jenni--a nonblogger) came over to comfort me as I shook. I thought it went into my bag so someone else must take care of this situation. Priscilla came over and pulled off her flipflop asking the room if she could take care of it. I think I begged her (if not verbally then mentally) to kill it. I voiced my opinion and no one objected. The cockroach is dead after being hit repeatedly. Priscilla said that it "gave her the eye." It was one scary wicked cockroach. I am shaking just thinking about it.

In other news though...I met Gervase from Survivor.

He was kind of an ass but generally I met a Survivor. I'm one step away from celebrity. Woohoo. Thats all I have to say about that.

I am having a good new week. I have a new positive aura. I think that some things have now changed in my life that have been needing to change for quite some time.

Starting with the weekend. I went to the PRISM dance where all my loves were. Karla, Jen and Stacy rocked the night away and kept things going in a forward direction. Jen even took me back to the dance when I realized half-way home that I had left my jacket. I did not make an ass out of myself and all my worries were washed away. No drama and no bitching. I was dancing with a boy when The Bitch told me that "this is a good song, we should dance." And I told him that I was dancing with Jason. I regained power in my life at that moment. It was so nice. Jason is such a nice guy too. Things are looking pretty good from where I'm standing.

Stellar came up to me and told me that she was drunk and asked if we could finally make out. This is the girl who all year sophomore year talked about making out and we never did. We always talked but never did. So now things have changed and she asked if I would still want to. Of course I do. She is a beautiful woman and always has been. I would make out with her just to say that I did not just because it is enjoyable and that I love her. She is wonderful.

I woke up and went to work at the coffee shop for the weirdest day in coffee shop history. Alec and I made a mess of everything. Water was on the floor, things got done in weird ways, and we had to put up with some major shit. But I was too happy to be annoyed with anything. And I didn't drop the merchandize...so I'm the better employee.

Today is just fine. It is pouring outside, which makes smoking a little harder, but I don't care. I love the rain. I was woken up this morning by my brother calling me. I don't remember what prompted him to call me before 9 but I do remember having to call his wife to tell her that I wanted in on a floral bouquet for my mother. He couldn't call her.

My mother called last night semi-spazzing out because her hysterectomy was this morning. She was trying to pack and find hangars and call everyone that she knew. I was sad that I didn't call her before she called me. But it kinda scared me to hear her so nervous. I wanted to hug her so bad but she was so far away. I told her that I loved her and that everything would be ok.

Fast forward to between classes. I called the hospital and found my father. He picked up on the first ring so I knew that he was just sitting around doing nothing. My mom was asleep and doing fine. She woke up halfway through the conversation to ask who was on the phone. My father told her that it was me and then she said to tell me that she was fine and say hello. He then asked her if she wanted to talk to me and she said no that she was going back to sleep. Oh drugs. Such fun. She was in such a good delirious mood. But everything is fine and she seems to be doing well. So hopefully I will go home soon to see her, but I don't think that will happen with my crazy schedule.

GRE Thursday and then drunken weekend with stuff other than work thrown in. Lets see how much I can get done. I think it will be a rough weekend. Jenni, I apologize ahead of time for this becoming the worst weekend for you to choose to be in town. I hope that isn't the case, but we'll see.

So I posted last night only to have it disappear. If I weren't so drunk, I would have reproduced it. But drunk I was. I danced on a shuffleboard, pissed off an ex-girlfriend, and all with only two and a half drinks (made obsessively strong). Damn cheap vodka and the feeling the day after. Yuck.

I had to sign up for the GRE. I don't even know what that stands for. I hope that isn't a question. I am not looking forward to that. I think they make the graduation process so difficult that you will be dreading the rest of your life. This is the feeling that I have. But everything became better after getting calmed down. I will take it and fill out all the other shit that they make you do to graduate. It will happen.

T-minus three days to the hysterectomy. My mom seems too calm for me to freak out. She is sooo extremely nice and caring. I don't think that will last through next week.

PRISM dance tomorrow. I don't like the pressure that this is putting on me right now. I have several guys on a string right now. I think I need to narrow it down to one before the beginning of the night. The Bitch is out of the question. When all of your friends are doing that "you deserve better" and even when relative strangers are begging you to stop trying, that is a good sign that I should stop trying. I've been on the other side of that situation and just wish that my friends would listen to my advice. So I think that now I should listen. The PRISM dance could stir up a lot of old issues that I have been pushing away. I might get into a fight with Nate at the dance because he has been looking forward to causing chaos with my life. He is looking for this fight. I also might run into the guy who has a tendency to sexually harass me. I don't think I can handle that again this year. I will however have all of my girls on my side. Karla, Jen, Stacy, Becky, Theresa, and the lot will help me out I'm sure. I will have my posse of beautiful women to fend off the gay boys.

I will post tonight about cruelty. I want to enter the Blogging for Books contest. It took quite a while for me to come up with anything that I've done that is cruel. I really try to be nice and no one notices when I am mean. So I have to write about cruelty in action and not in the results. We'll see. I hope that this is cruel enough to deserve entry.

I have reason to believe that I am coming closer to finding my culprit. I think that they are revealing themselves much as I did in the paper a few years back. Check it out and then read on.

RomaSunfire: i can't believe i forgot to give you crap for being in your boxers in the school pape, to talk like a newsie.
shanep1983: i know
shanep1983: i was so excited when that paper came out
shanep1983: i was like "oh my god you can almost see my junk"
RomaSunfire: this is true.,
RomaSunfire: was I on campus at that point
RomaSunfire: ?
shanep1983: i think so
RomaSunfire: how do I not remember that paper? did you steal them all to keep the girls from wanting more views of your luscious thighs.

Love my Danger Jenni. I also love my hair. This has caused lots of thoughts for me recently about what to do different and how to make myself look as sexy as I possibly can. I got highlights and lowlights recently and a trim. But this is not the results that I desired. I will get my haircut soon and I will look super sexy.

I like to change my hair and yet it seems to remain unchanged. Sometimes the color goes wrong and it turns out orange, sometimes it gets cut too short too early and doesn't do the whole flippy thing that I like so much.
I have been discovering gray hairs since I was in high school. My mother tells me not to fret because she started going gray in high school. This is all the more reason to fret. One of my favorite childhood memories was standing in the kitchen watching my mother dye her own hair in the sink. Excluding my dad, the whole family gets highlights or dyes at the family salon that my parents started while I was in high school. My aunt is my gossip columnist/hairdresser.
I dyed my hair a color known as "accidentally orange" in a friend's bathtub freshman year. It was not against my will. I was mostly soaked from the waist up and completely crowded in the small bathroom with three other people. When we came out, the rest of the crowd shrugged in disapproval.
Since my parents own a hair salon, its a wonder that I am not the type of person who cannot go without a shave or a haircut on a regular occassion. I do get my eyebrows waxed and pluck in between, I shave or Nair my chest hair somewhat frequently (especially during the summer), and I trim my pubic hair (hehe I just said pubic hair on the internet). I am a priss when it comes to my hair and how it looks. But yet I still get a good weeks worth on facial hair before I give it a second thought. I think razors scare me.
I also found hair on my back and found it rather alarming. I never thought I would have a hairy back. A little Nair will fix that. Who could even think of shaving their own lower back? Jake (still not suitable for children) that's who. Yuck. Glad I don't have a lot of butt hair.

What should I post on next:
A Witchbaby OR
A torn dollar bill and the contents of my desk that collects memories

I want someone to get really mad that someone called me tubby. I want someone to fess up to putting a bird on my stoop. I want someone to assist me with revenge techniques. These are not hard tasks. But someone's gotta do it.

April Fools jokes paying off. The one joke that I performed paid off today. We put my boss's brand new SUV up for sale by placing a printout and saying $500 OBO on the back of this beast. Today, I had a girl call him to leave him a message saying he was interested. He hands me the phone and tells me to listen to the message and then grills me until I crack up. Wowsa it was hot and then I laughed like a mad fool. That is the kind of harmless joke that should be pulled for April Fools Day.

April Fooling Around Day though is completely different.

So I definitely behaved myself. But, this guy came up to my friend and was telling her this story about how he saw these three guys making out behind the house last night and how they were going at it and didn't really care about anyone else seeing anything. Plus some other stuff. Here is me hiding my slightly embarrassed face when he recognized me. Yeah. It was a little awkward. I found a lot of the people that I made out with last night. That was fun. I'm not too drunk and I have to work in the morning. We'll see how super tired Shane does in the morning. A guy that I called said that he was masturbating when I called him. That is honesty. I wish I could be so honest with all of you. But you will just have to use your imagination. Good night and set your clock forward. Don't forget. That will suck.

So some of you might have heard about Bird Watch 05. Thats right. I'm on patrol now. And I'm drunk.

A post about tonight. Don't know if the internet is ready. I know there is porn, but is there true scandal. That is right. True scandal. Making out in the alley. Making out in the broom closet. Making out with both sexes, more than one race, all types of people. You name it and I achieved it. There was much going on and scandal persists. Happy Fooling Around Day.

I threw down. This was very exciting for me. I got into a wrestling match at the party. I would have won had I not been fighting six people. Finally, I got into a one-on-one match. He whipped my ass. I lost my coat somewhere in the match. Some guy called me "tubby" or "fatty". I'm so not happy about that. I was pissed. So I went to find my coat by throwing all the furniture in the room. Threw it all upside down if it wasn't already. Threw everything looking for my damn jean jacket. Its cold here. So finally after moving all the furniture and getting into another wrestling match, this girl (who is a friend of a friend (and who isn't a friend of a friend)) was sitting on it. She handed it to me and said that she was sorry. It was okay. I didn't throw down with her. I pushed the guy who told me I was tubby. He deserved so much more. I should have punched him. Oh I should have. But no more about should haves.

Is it wrong to love lesbians? Just because. I really do. I think they are great.

I wish I could tell you more, but I can't because the internet would punish me or something. But just so you know...Someone got off and it wasn't me.

So everyone knows how I posted about me hitting a bird. Well at least one of you does.

Anyway, I get home and there is a package on my computer chair with the name Shane on it. I, knowing it is April Fools Day, expected something terrible.

Not this terrible. I opened it up and found a black bird, either fake or dead. I screamed like no other person truly can. I wish that someone would have been around to hear me because I know that one of my roomies had to be involved. I do not like who ever was involved. I am almost hyperventilating right now. Any way the wrath of Shane will be experienced. I will get my sweet revenge. This I vow.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

So not only that, but tonight was fun. I did drunkenly hit on people. I'm expecting an email of me making out with Becky soon. It was in the middle of the Dukum. Tonight got a little crazy.

This guy was out tonight who probably isn't gay but was definitely giving me some vibes. It was for this reason that I rode two houses over on the top of three people. He was one of them. He told me to get in the car. I refused saying that my house was right behind the accountant's building. He refused, so I crawled in and then he made some reference to something sexual and I liked it. Don't remember what he said. Why, because I'm drunk.

The poetry slam went well. Jenorama did not need any ballot stuffing. She did a great job. Her poetry was the most intelligent. There were a lot of very entertaining poets though. I highly recommend the poetry slams because they just keep getting better. Next time it will be me.

I've got a headache already so I'm going to hit the sack and hope for no hangover, but with the amount of alcohol that I drank, I deserve it. Night night y'all.